We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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