He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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