I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
