Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize