Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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