now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you