just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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