let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
