i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
