Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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