peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
