her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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