I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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