The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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