I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it's like iHOP with fire
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
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What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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