Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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