hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
