And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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