Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
