Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
