Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
