Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
