We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It all started with a game of naked twister.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
