I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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