if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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