I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
