You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
