Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
