Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
