I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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