god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
