i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
