my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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