I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
