i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
