My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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