you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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