porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
