Where is the hickey?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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