Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
