shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize