coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
