SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
