how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
