I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
