He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
