Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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