I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
