she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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