so explain again why im purple
no
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
