I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i love accidental penises.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
