that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
