i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
