i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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