"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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