Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
