Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
