forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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