I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
