"it" just moved
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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