call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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