Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I supernannyed him into submission
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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