You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
3pm strippers are depressing
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
