Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
