Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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