god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
