i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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