I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize