i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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