I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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