Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
