i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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