We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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