Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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