I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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