Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
