I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wear drunk well.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
