I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
